1. Attention: A woman desires to be listened to. Your relationship won’t work if you ignore your woman. Women by nature desire attention. If they can’t have it from their partner, it will wound their emotions. Why do you think some women would even put on red hair and purple hair? Why all the artificial painting and color combinations? Well, there is something of their nature that’s always crying to be noticed. It is part of how they draw significance. Perhaps if Eve had gotten enough attention from Adam, she wouldn’t have been talking to the serpent. If you won’t listen to your woman, she’ll find someone else to talk to and you will both suffer the consequences of that. Ask Adam. Women aren’t like men that usually talk all the time to make a point. Women often talk, not just to make points but to get their partner’s attention. Only a fool marries a woman he won’t listen to. Cultivate the art of conversation. Learn to listen to your woman. Don’t shout her down or make her feel that her words are empty.
2. Affection: More than any material things you can give; a woman really needs your affection. It isn’t wisdom or spirituality to be cold and unfeeling towards your woman. You do not love a woman whose feeling you can ignore. Don’t be like those men without character who uses silence as a weapon against their woman. Your silence is like death in your woman. She wants a talker, don’t just listen to her and say nothing. Learn dialogue. Ask her about every little thing in her life. Talk about her hair, her eyes, her smile, the way she walks, her looks, her devotion to God, her praying spirit, her love for God and you, her effort over her children… Don’t just talk to her about yourself, be centered on her. Affection is an undying care and kindness that affects the person it is given unto. If your affection does not affect her, if it doesn’t get into her heart, then there’s something wrong. Don’t just roll over and sleep after your conjugal duty, let her head be on your chest. Stroke her back, her hair, and her cheeks. Ask her to know how you can satisfy her and never assume that just because you got what you wanted, the same is true of her.
3. Appreciation: Don’t become too used to the little things your woman do that you begin to ignore them. Talk about her soup. Appreciating her is actually more effective in improving her than correcting her. Whatever you appreciate in your woman becomes stronger. Let her know that you do not see her as your house maid or a mistress who only exists to satisfy your passions. Appreciate everything she does in the house. Don’t come from the work and begin to shout at your woman because of an untidy part of the house, some hand towels or clothing that are not in the right place, a littered floor or something she hasn’t yet done. Such an attitude is damaging to the emotion of a woman who has been working all day to keep the house in order. Try and notice the things she has done and appreciate her for them. If she left a place untouched, then you can help her and if you do, she’ll appreciate and notice it, and you won’t meet it untidy next time. Women are more sensitive and responsive to the improvement commanded by appreciation than those demanded by scolding or correction. Always find something to be thankful for. The Songs of Solomon is full of the expressions of King Solomon appreciating his partner’s beauty from her head to toe. He likened her eyes to the doves’, talked fondly of her breasts and so on and so forth. Appreciate every part of your woman’s body even though you see them every day. Never become too used to them that you no longer talk about them. You can never appreciate a woman enough so don’t stop. And when you do, mean it, they’re sensitive to deception and empty words.
4. Protection: A woman needs security. She must be able to trust you. Her love is a gift to you which must be treasured but you must also earn her trust. Understand that women trust how they feel with you more than what you tell them. If you promise your woman love, you must also show it. When you’ve said so much and do so little, she will retire to watching what you do instead of believing what you promise. Let your woman know that her secrets are safe with you. Don’t go discussing your private matters with your friends. Beware of a third party becoming a threat to your woman’s security. Let her heart be able to trust safely in you. You must work at getting her there, yes, to that point where she feels secure with you. Don’t give her attitudes that threaten her future with you. Be careful of the words you use with your woman. Never talk to her the way Jesus will not talk to the church (Ephesians 5). Godly wives don’t have problem submitting to godly husbands who loves them as Christ loves the church. How much can you give up for your woman? Sacrifice is a proof of love. God so loved the world that He gave His only Son for her (John 3:16). Protect your woman, don’t go siding an outsider against her. Even when she has done something wrong, don’t ever let her feel alone or thrown away. Always stand by her. It’s not enough to make big and sweet promises in the marriage vow, you must live up to those promises.
Be careful the way you evaluate your wife’s decisions, don’t let her feel that she’s foolish. We all miss it sometimes, but the last person we need after losing something or when hurting is a critical police officer to tongue lash us. Love is appropriate in every situation. Always reassure your woman that you’re by her no matter what and live out your promises. Be there!